Note: You may think that i'm out of mind in this post. But i'm not going to care what others think about me in this post.

For once, i hope things could just stop and let me move on. I know its hard to let go when situation is getting from bad to worst. I could even find things to blame on but i know, of all, it's still my fault. For the start i shouldn't have made that decision of mine, perhaps another decision would lead me to elsewhere. My big fault of being into this situation right now. Contradicting the impossible to become possible, but still its impossible, never will it be possible, neither do i want it to be possible!

What's wrong with me?! Doing the wrong thing at the wrong time? Or just practically this is my fate? One after another, repeating over and over again. I'm sick and tired of it, seriously. Yea, this is parts and parcel of my life, but i detest it.
Since don't know when, i keep doubting myself, doubting every single decision i made. Making me feel tensed and pissed off. I feel so messed up, nothing seems to be 100% perfectly done.

Oh no! That's not me. I felt that i've changed. I want back what i use to be in the past. But i forget what i used to be. I just hate myself for now, period.

I have no idea who to approach to. Side of me need a listening ear. But another side of me, feel so redundant to approach to a best/close friend. I have this thinking that i'm not any big shot, neither do i need attention from others, neither do i want to disturb anyone of you.

I know, best/close friends of mine whom is reading this now will ask, "Hey, this is what friends are for, just approach to me if you need me." But the fact is, even i, myself have no idea how to approach to you, even if i approached, i have no idea what to say cause i don't know what actually happen to me/on me.

Yes, i feel damn ass xin ku.
I detest what i am right now.